Spring Break
Do housework or Dugong
Issue date: 9/26/07 Section: Opinion
According to the Kinsey report, 40% of rural males have had 'relations' with animals. I found this little gem of information on a television show called "manswers". Manswers is a half hour show that is full of interesting facts such as how far a dwarf can be thrown (12 feet 9 inches is the record) and how many beers one can drink before they die (18).
After the half hour show was over, it was immediately replayed. I assumed it was shown again so that the men watching it could have another chance to learn the evocative information and so they could get another look at the dugong (the animal that is most like a woman when it comes to 'relations'.)
I have known for quite some time that women are biologically superior; let me share my proof with you. The ultimate test of biological success is the birth of a child who can carry your genes into the future. Let us suppose that a man and a woman have a viable child. This makes both the man and the woman biological successes.
Now let's talk about biological failure rates. Assuming that one sperm plus one egg equal a child, we can do some simple math to determine a man and a woman's failure rate. A woman produces approximately 400 viable eggs during her reproductive life span. Assuming she had one child, that means she failed 399 times.
A man produces approximately 2 million sperm per ejaculations. As you can see, a male fails at a much higher rate biologically during one encounter than a woman fails in her lifetime.
According to my findings, women are both intellectually and biologically superior. Because we are superior we get to make 70 cents on the dollar for the equal work of a man, we get to allow male legislators to vote on issues concerning our fertility and we are subjected to the basic discrimination that declares housework is our domain.
Another interesting fact on 'manswers' was that women nag, and the best way to 'de naggify' a woman is to have sex. Apparently there is a chemical that men produce that gets absorbed by women and it makes us happier. That's a nice little solution that I would expect to find on a show like manswers, but it failed to address the proper way to get a nagging woman 'in the mood'.
Guys, I have a suggestion for you. If you want to de-naggify your woman, do half the housework. If you must watch shows such as 'manswers', run the vacuum during the commercials. I can guarantee you that men who vacuum have many opportunities to de-naggify their mates.
Trust me, if men did laundry they could spend more time releasing their anti-depressant agent, and less time wondering where to find a dugong.
After the half hour show was over, it was immediately replayed. I assumed it was shown again so that the men watching it could have another chance to learn the evocative information and so they could get another look at the dugong (the animal that is most like a woman when it comes to 'relations'.)
I have known for quite some time that women are biologically superior; let me share my proof with you. The ultimate test of biological success is the birth of a child who can carry your genes into the future. Let us suppose that a man and a woman have a viable child. This makes both the man and the woman biological successes.
Now let's talk about biological failure rates. Assuming that one sperm plus one egg equal a child, we can do some simple math to determine a man and a woman's failure rate. A woman produces approximately 400 viable eggs during her reproductive life span. Assuming she had one child, that means she failed 399 times.
A man produces approximately 2 million sperm per ejaculations. As you can see, a male fails at a much higher rate biologically during one encounter than a woman fails in her lifetime.
According to my findings, women are both intellectually and biologically superior. Because we are superior we get to make 70 cents on the dollar for the equal work of a man, we get to allow male legislators to vote on issues concerning our fertility and we are subjected to the basic discrimination that declares housework is our domain.
Another interesting fact on 'manswers' was that women nag, and the best way to 'de naggify' a woman is to have sex. Apparently there is a chemical that men produce that gets absorbed by women and it makes us happier. That's a nice little solution that I would expect to find on a show like manswers, but it failed to address the proper way to get a nagging woman 'in the mood'.
Guys, I have a suggestion for you. If you want to de-naggify your woman, do half the housework. If you must watch shows such as 'manswers', run the vacuum during the commercials. I can guarantee you that men who vacuum have many opportunities to de-naggify their mates.
Trust me, if men did laundry they could spend more time releasing their anti-depressant agent, and less time wondering where to find a dugong.
Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 3
CJ McCoy
posted 10/07/07 @ 12:40 PM MST
Absolutely brilliant! Of course I had to look up dugong. I can only wonder which man it was that had relations with a dugong and whether he confused it with his cow rather than his girlfriend. (Continued…)
Eugene
posted 10/17/07 @ 2:35 AM MST
Never heard of this "manswers" show, but it sure does sound idiotic.
Men aren't all the same, watching manswers, drinking beer all day or throwing midgets in the air. (Continued…)
Adam
posted 1/10/08 @ 2:11 PM MST
Manswers is a show posted after UFC on Spike TV. I can understand why one would be offended by this, but realistically get real. If you're husband/boyfriend actually takes any of this serious, or believes any of this garbage, well you're with a dummy. (Continued…)
Post a Comment